Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
