It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
