There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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