yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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