new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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