Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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