Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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