I cockslap morals
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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