Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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