A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
