what day is it and did you see me today?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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