3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
