Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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