If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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