I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
