It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
