it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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