I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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