By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
