I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
