He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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