I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
