He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
