Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
