mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I would ride that face into the sunset
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
