why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
