I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
