Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
