sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
