I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Acid is not a monday night drug
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
