The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
