Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
