I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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