Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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