I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
