My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
