the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
