Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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