five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
