is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
