I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
