It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
