sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
