Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
