Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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