I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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