I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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