Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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