I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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