I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
