to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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