didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
