I just cut my nipple shaving
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
