Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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