Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
COCAINE IS GR8
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize