I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
