just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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