Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
