i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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