make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
