I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
