If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
