When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
