accomplished twins. life is a go
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
